I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
