I got chris browned last night
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
