just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
