i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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