Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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