dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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