my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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