Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.

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  (410): remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that. http://tfl.nu/awcg
  Replies (21) Good night (4023) Bad night (1285)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob

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  (705): it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob http://tfl.nu/qlwy
  Replies (47) Good night (4941) Bad night (1949)
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  (714): View more from California

  Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.

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  (714): Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are. http://tfl.nu/u4g1
  Replies (21) Good night (7602) Bad night (1292)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?

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  (256): oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me? http://tfl.nu/06bl
  Replies (20) Good night (1201) Bad night (5731)
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  (415): View more from California

  Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in

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  (415): Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in http://tfl.nu/whuh
  Replies (14) Good night (4602) Bad night (2214)
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  (914): View more from New York

  im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj

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  (914): im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj http://tfl.nu/kgi8
  Replies (22) Good night (5645) Bad night (1846)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...

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  (732): Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL... http://tfl.nu/zpti
  Replies (6) Good night (2117) Bad night (1050)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.

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  (813): I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked. http://tfl.nu/aika
  Replies (14) Good night (909) Bad night (3950)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".

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  (404): Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant". http://tfl.nu/1jgx
  Replies (9) Good night (1405) Bad night (2875)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.

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  (701): She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv. http://tfl.nu/rbou
  Replies (8) Good night (1890) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue

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  (541): I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue http://tfl.nu/me08
  Replies (7) Good night (985) Bad night (1304)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again

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  (781): I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again http://tfl.nu/5dv2
  Replies (2) Good night (968) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..

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  (573): I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding.. http://tfl.nu/ukti
  Replies (5) Good night (470) Bad night (1104)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  And then someone hit me with a pool cue

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  (604): I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud. (604): And then someone hit me with a pool cue http://tfl.nu/5hgm
  Replies (4) Good night (1044) Bad night (396)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.

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  (740): Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too. http://tfl.nu/qmru
  Replies (4) Good night (792) Bad night (275)

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