my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.