my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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