You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
this beer tastes like vomit already
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
