My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
