Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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