Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
