You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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