Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you would pick up someone in the library
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
