I have demons in me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
