I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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