Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
