just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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