I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
