the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All I want is dick and wine.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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