I'll bet she douches with gravy.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
