But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
