apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
