just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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