I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
and you fell through a lawn chair
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
