i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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