worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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