I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
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Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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