Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
