Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
