So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
