Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
