dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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