Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
