She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
