i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We don't watch enough power rangers
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
