i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
