apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
