dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
