I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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