the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize