You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
