Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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