he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
