how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
