and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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