I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
