Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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