No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
