She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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