omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
