well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
