69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
