I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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