we have officially lost it.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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