so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
