Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Everclear isn't food dammit
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
