my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
