So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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