just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My vagina just recognized that song.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
