By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
