oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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