i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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