Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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