you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
