she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
